GOD'S DRUNKEST DRIVER Tee — Flame Muscle Car Graphic Shirt

Black heavyweight tee reading GOD'S DRUNKEST DRIVER in chrome and flame lettering above a blue muscle car surrounded by blue fire

1/4

$38.00

Taxes included. Shipping calculated at checkout.

ColorBlack

Size S M L XL 2XL 3XL 4XL

He gives his toughest roads to his least qualified motorists.

Chrome and flame lettering stacked in three tiers, a blue muscle car, and a wall of blue fire behind it. Airbrushed like the side of a van that has definitely been in something.

Most funny shirts are a joke printed on an apology for a garment. Thin enough to read a newspaper through, shrinks a size in one wash, print cracking by the second wear. We started with the blank and put something stupid on it second.

Why it's an actual shirt

Heavy cotton. Boxy cut, dropped shoulders, ribbed collar, double-needle hems. Screen printed — the joke should die before the print does. Preshrunk: your L stays an L.

Sizing

Sizes run small and the cut is boxy, so most people should take one size up - if you normally wear an M, take the L. Your usual size gives a regular fit. Two up and your mother asks what happened. Exact measurements are in the chart below, in inches.

Measurements

Garment measurements, laid flat, in inches. Width is armpit to armpit, so chest is roughly double it. Tolerance ±0.5 in.

Size	Chest (in)	Width (in)	Length (in)
S	37.8	18.89	26.37
M	39.4	19.68	27.16
L	41.7	20.86	27.95
XL	44.1	22.05	28.74
2XL	46.5	23.23	29.52
3XL	48.8	24.41	30.31
4XL	51.2	25.59	31.1

Our shirts do not all come from the same blank. Use the chart above rather than one you saw on another product.

This shirt is Level 4 - Do Not Wear This To Thanksgiving. You already know if this is for you.

Free US shipping over $50. 14-day returns, unworn.

Heavy cotton
Preshrunk
Screen printed, not stuck on
Delivered within a week
14-day returns

Yes, it's a real shirt.

Most funny shirts are a joke printed on an apology for a garment. Thin enough to read a newspaper through, shrinks a size in one wash, print cracking by the second wear. You get your laugh once and then it lives in a drawer.

We started with the blank and put something stupid on it second.

Heavy cotton: Hangs off you instead of vacuum-sealing itself to your torso.
Boxy fit: Loose because it was designed that way, not because you guessed wrong.
Dropped shoulders: Reads as an outfit. Not as gym class.
Ribbed collar: Has a spine. Doesn't go floppy by the third wash.
Preshrunk: Your L stays an L.
Screen printed: The joke should die before the print does.

Paying for a joke is embarrassing enough without the shirt also being bad.

Sizing, in a language you speak

Your usual size: A regular fit. Fine if you do not want the boxy shape.
One size up: What we would take. Normally an M? Take the L. Sizes run small and the cut is boxy.
Two sizes up: Your mother asks what happened.

The exact measurements for this shirt are in the description above, in inches. Hold them against a shirt you already own and like.

Full size guide

The Ironclad Guarantee

Wear it. Wash it. If the shirt is bad, send it back within 14 days and we'll refund you — no photographs, no interrogation, no "was there an issue with your order?" survey.

If the joke is bad, that one's on you. You read it before you clicked.

Before you commit

Will I actually wear this?

More than you expect. From across a room it's a heavy tee with a graphic on it. From two metres it becomes somebody else's problem.

Is this a Gildan?

No.

Will it shrink?

Preshrunk. Wash cold, skip the dryer, and it'll outlast the joke by several years.

Will the print peel?

It's screen printed into the shirt, not a plastic rectangle pressed onto it. It fades slowly and evenly, the way a shirt is supposed to.

Boxy — am I going to look wider?

Heavy cotton hangs instead of clinging, so it skims rather than grips. If you're unsure, stay at your usual size instead of sizing up. You get the shape without the volume.

I already own one of yours. Same size?

Not necessarily. We use more than one blank and they differ most from L upward. Use the chart in this product's description rather than assuming, or email us and we'll tell you.

When does it get here?

Within a week. If it's late, email us and we'll sort it. We're idiots on purpose, not by accident.

Can I send it back if I lose my nerve?

14 days, unworn. Losing your nerve is a normal thing to happen and we won't ask you about it.

Who's making these?

Someone with the same broken internet as you, who also cares an unreasonable amount about collars.