MYSTERY SHIRT
MYSTERY SHIRT
We pick the design. You pick how much of your life you're willing to risk.
One shirt from our catalog, chosen by us, at 25% off. You choose the chaos level and the size. We choose everything else.
A blind mystery box fails because you can't judge the two things that actually matter — whether you'd wear it, and whether it'll be misread. Picking your own tier fixes both. What you give up is knowing which design turns up.
The levels
- Level 1 — Weird. Absurd, but you can wear it to lunch with anyone.
- Level 2 — Questionable. Earns a second look and one raised eyebrow.
- Level 3 — HR Concern. Know your room before you leave the house.
- Level 4 — Don't. You already know if this is for you.
Why it's an actual shirt
Same garment as everything else we make. Heavy cotton, boxy cut, dropped shoulders, ribbed collar, double-needle hems, preshrunk, screen printed.
Sizing
Take your usual size for the relaxed fit, one up for boxy. Our designs don't all come from the same blank and they differ most at XL and above, so a Mystery Shirt may fit slightly differently from one you already own. If it does, the first exchange is on us.
Two things to know
It ships separately from the rest of your order, so you'll get a second tracking number.
It's returnable like anything else. Any line you see about "no refunds on Level 4" is a joke. Our returns policy covers Mystery Shirts identically.
Free US shipping over $50. 14-day returns, unworn.
- Heavy cotton
- Preshrunk
- Screen printed, not stuck on
- Delivered within a week
- 14-day returns
Yes, it's a real shirt.
Most funny shirts are a joke printed on an apology for a garment. Thin enough to read a newspaper through, shrinks a size in one wash, print cracking by the second wear. You get your laugh once and then it lives in a drawer.
We started with the blank and put something stupid on it second.
- Heavy cotton
- Hangs off you instead of vacuum-sealing itself to your torso.
- Boxy fit
- Loose because it was designed that way, not because you guessed wrong.
- Dropped shoulders
- Reads as an outfit. Not as gym class.
- Ribbed collar
- Has a spine. Doesn't go floppy by the third wash.
- Preshrunk
- Your L stays an L.
- Screen printed
- The joke should die before the print does.
Paying for a joke is embarrassing enough without the shirt also being bad.
Sizing, in a language you speak
- Your usual size
- A regular fit. Fine if you do not want the boxy shape.
- One size up
- What we would take. Normally an M? Take the L. Sizes run small and the cut is boxy.
- Two sizes up
- Your mother asks what happened.
The exact measurements for this shirt are in the description above, in inches. Hold them against a shirt you already own and like.
Full size guideThe Ironclad Guarantee
Wear it. Wash it. If the shirt is bad, send it back within 14 days and we'll refund you — no photographs, no interrogation, no "was there an issue with your order?" survey.
If the joke is bad, that one's on you. You read it before you clicked.
Before you commit
Will I actually wear this?
More than you expect. From across a room it's a heavy tee with a graphic on it. From two metres it becomes somebody else's problem.
Is this a Gildan?
No.
Will it shrink?
Preshrunk. Wash cold, skip the dryer, and it'll outlast the joke by several years.
Will the print peel?
It's screen printed into the shirt, not a plastic rectangle pressed onto it. It fades slowly and evenly, the way a shirt is supposed to.
Boxy — am I going to look wider?
Heavy cotton hangs instead of clinging, so it skims rather than grips. If you're unsure, stay at your usual size instead of sizing up. You get the shape without the volume.
I already own one of yours. Same size?
Not necessarily. We use more than one blank and they differ most from L upward. Use the chart in this product's description rather than assuming, or email us and we'll tell you.
When does it get here?
Within a week. If it's late, email us and we'll sort it. We're idiots on purpose, not by accident.
Can I send it back if I lose my nerve?
14 days, unworn. Losing your nerve is a normal thing to happen and we won't ask you about it.
Who's making these?
Someone with the same broken internet as you, who also cares an unreasonable amount about collars.
Make it worse
Browse by how much social risk you're willing to take today, not by how offensive something is.